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Meat on sticks Jul. 15th, 2005 @ 09:17 pm
So, I was chopping wood in a wheelchair this afternoon. Wasn't very effective, as you can't really get the full effect of your body's energy into the maul. Just one more thing cripples can't do. I think I'll do a little dance to celebrate my leg functionabilityness. Silly cripples, dancing's for normals.

Today was incredibly hot outside, and 100% humidity. One of my fans overheated this afternoon. I sent her a get well soon card. I really should set up a pavilion for them outside, but quite frankly they shouldn't be on my lawn anyway. Also, an osculator overheated.

Some women want to marry a rich guy so he can buy her jewlery, diamonds, nice cars and all that crap. I want to marry a rich woman so I can sit around the house and buy weird stuff like gothic platemail. I'd be out walking around town wearing the platemail, buying groceries, going to McDonald's through the drive-thru. Phef. Jewlery.
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Current Music: Radio. Sounds like Greenday.

Jul. 15th, 2005 @ 01:25 pm
So, I'm at Wal-mart today, trying to get them to break my 100 dollar bill, as I want to buy a candybar and that's all I had and, get this, they try to give me some toy money back. Ha! Like President Grant would ever be on dollar bill, let alone a 50! Not to mention the bill was half pink and the president was off center. And just look at the Secretary of the Treasury's signature! John W. Snnu? I think not! What a hack job counterfitting operation that casheer runs. It's amazing the Secret Service isn't already on that person's back.

Federal reserve note my ass, so I demanded payment in gold standard. When Wal-mart couldn't back up those dollar bills I resolved to take my business elsewhere. The nerve of some people. I ran over 7 rare and exotic birds on the way home in my frustration.

In other news, I need to call in the hospital today. We all know I won't. I think I'll go gambling on kids that are gambling instead. It's a lost art these days. I go downtown with some of my buddies and find some young children gambling (and smoking, thanks to a few loose cigarettes I pawned off) and then you place bets on which kid you think will win whatever bets the kids are making. If the kid you bet on loses too many times, you usually kick him or throw something at him, so as to frighten him into better gambling practices. This practice helps if you're wearing a velvet hat while loudly reciting the story of the three men looking for buried treasure from Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales," as well. This is to inspire them to great deeds.

When that's done I'm going to go team up with another friend of mine to go building climbing. It's like mountain climbing, but it involves buildings, not mountains. First we look the part. You simply have to dress up if you're going to be building climbing. Next you need a camera. How else can you prove you've scaled the most impressive buildings in town? Then you look for the tallest structure in town that is a building (this, thus, excludes radio towers) and enter it, looking for a stairwell. We then rush to the top of the building and get on the roof without anyone knowing. When you're at the top, you take serious, contemplative pictures of yourself and your friends. I wasn't dressed up in these pictures, so it's just my friend, I had to be the camera guy. I got dressed on the roof, but by then it was getting too dark to take pictures, so I got snapped in the lobby.

Hopefully you kiddies will give out building climbing a try and snap me some good photos too.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Shakira ft. Alejandro Sanz - La Tortura
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» LOREM IPSVM
SCRIBO LATINA. QVO? IGNORO.

So, I was coming back from the elementary school today. Tons of half-smoked cigarettes on the ground. I don't get it, do the children not know how to properly smoke their cigarettes? This mildly pisses me off, to know they're just wasting them. Makes me reluctant to pawn loose cigarettes off on the children like that, but we all know I need the cash.

Furthermore, when I was downtown yesterday, who cares if I never learned how to park in Driver's Ed? I was half on the sidewalk and the cops didn't care. Clearly parallel parking is overrated. My windows were all the way down. Just goes to show how trusting a fellow I am, no? They could have stolen that hat I got for free from my dad's work or the overpriced art book I have, or that Bible that's been sitting in the back of my car for over three months now. Clearly the power of God protects my car and it's belongings. Besides, who's going to steal a Ford Taurus?


iNazis are love.

» 14 17 8834a Subsection 19-2c
DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE
Des Moines Military Enterance Processing Station
2500 University Avenue
West Des Moines, IA 50266
» Awoke
Status: awake; eating; typing.
» Return
Returned: from school; from car; to house.
Goal: brisk nap; eat food.
» Sneezed
Action: sneezed.
Condition: recovering.
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